It is hard to admit when you are fat. I don't hate myself, I'm not emo, hell - I don't really even have esteem problems. I am an American man, and as such feel entitled to the bravado of John Wayne and the right to eat what I want, when I want and what not. Though, here I am. 395.2 pounds. When I met my wife I weighed about 220, not really fair to her that I ballooned up the way that I did over the 10 years that followed. On top of that, my doctor finally brought up the possibility of the Lap-Band as a solution to my weight issue.
This was a wake up call for me. I know that I'm fat, but I always figured that it would sort itself out at some point down the road. Fat-minus pills or something, who knows. Here I am though, and as much as I hate the idea of giving up my favorite foods, the idea of some masked avenger lasso-ing my stomach and stitching me back up is not a lovely option. Not to mention that the complication rate over the life of a device is 10%...yeah, I may not be a Korean math student, but i'm pretty sure that I don't want to take that risk.
Instead, I am pursuing a radical new way to lose weight. I call it the ELEMF method (Eat Less Exercise More, Fattie). Yes my worst nightmare has come true, I am going to have to bring to bear my American Bravado and apply it to my own eating habits. Three meals a day, each no more than 6 ounces and containing no high-fat proteins and limited carbohydrates. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Rather than banning any particular foods, I am forcing myself to make good food choices. Primarily fresh, clean, wholesome foods etc. etc, and gone are preservative and processed foods (except for yogurt, the light yogurts at 100 calories for 6 ounces is a decent little meal, but unfortunately contain some corn derivatives that I would rather avoid).
Americans, I think, have a habit of living life the way that I have been (with regard to food): if it's big and cheap, it is good. We are a society that doesn't care about how good a product is, but what kind of deal we can get on it. Exhibit A: the McDouble. A double patty cheeseburger from McDonalds, something like a quarter pound of beef total and american cheese etc all for a buck. We love shit like this. Yeah the burger is a crappy burger, but look how cheap it is. Yeah, the burger has rediculous amounts of nasty Fattie building ingredients, BUT LOOK HOW CHEAP IT IS. We forgive a pos food like this for being terrible for us and of limited quality, if the product costs less than a Big Gulp and is made for us in seconds. It becomes, in our mind, a good value, so good that you might have two. See where this is going?
I can't blame anyone other than myself. I can cook, in fact I am pretty good, but I have skipped plenty of chances to cook for a mcnugget (and i fucking hate mcnuggets). I also have a tendancy to skip breakfast, double up on lunch, snack until dinner and then eat my way through, i dunno, half a pizza, then it's more snacking until bed. I don't think that these habits are odd for the average American Fattie, 'cause i see plenty of folks as big as I am - and they didn't get that way by eating spinach and kale. The food is there, and convenient, and i choose to eat it - I can decide not to, but up until now, I have gleefully munched my way through life.
So now, where am I? Well, I lied, i don't weigh 395.2 pounds today. I have been on my new method for a few days and I weighed 392.2 pounds this morning. No, I don't think I will lose 3 pounds a week until I reach my goal, but I feel good about even starting. I know that I can do this, I am from strong willed stock who rustled cattle and lived through the depression. I am an American Fattie who is finally hoping to just become an American.
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